"Cleanse Me." Rinse, and "repeat the sounding joy"

I have a handful of paintings in the works but I have only finished one so far this year. Just like I had ambitions of finishing this post on Christmas, life and my children have other priorities. Sometimes prioritization makes for procrastination, and perfect timing. The point is that I completed a painting. The concept began as a sketch and took form during a art break out session at a Shattered Magazine event I went to this past fall called Let's Get Real.

The painting is entitled "Cleanse Me" and began under the premise of "Shame Shower." I wanted to depict the desire to rid myself from sin, wrongdoing, shame, and weakness. I also wanted to highlight the negative propensity that I myself, and many others have to wallow in their shame, and pour on the self degradation after back-sliding into the frailties of worldly humanity. Yet, I wanted the power of cleansing, and return from the lowest depths of the pit of hell, to be visible. I wanted the heaviness to be lifted and the redemption of mind-body-spirit available through the grace of Jesus Christ to be evident and obvious. 

The view is an aerial on-look from the top of a shower. The drain is symbolic of the pits of hell, and the washing descends and spirals down into it. The streams of water represent the cleansing power of repentance. The bubbles which ascend upwards from the drain are the outcome from the cleansing process. I cut phrases from an old hymn book and compiled them into four stanzas from the four corners in order to position them as literal "streams of mercy."

From left to right they read: 

"Cleanse Me
here's my heart, O take and seal it, Seal it for Thy courts a-bove
Search me, O God and know my heart today
I praise Thee Lord, for cleansing me from sin
Streams of mercy"

"Come, Thou Fount
Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God;
I now surrender, Lord in me abide."

"I'm standing on the promises of God.
Cleanse me from every sin, and set me free. 
start the work in me." 

"There's a God Somewhere
Lord, take my life, and make it wholly Thine;
O Holy Ghost, revival comes from Thee;
Fill me with fire, where once burned with shame." 

I share this now in conjunction with phrases which have occupied my mind and meditated upon my spirit this Christmas season. At the beginning of December I listened to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints First Presidency's Christmas Devotional. Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorom of the Twelve Apostles shared this concept on Christs descending and ascending of all things. All things, for you, for me, for all. 

"It was essential that the Son of God be born in the flesh and descend below all things⁷ that He might “redeem all things.”⁸ Paul spoke of it as Jesus having “descended first into the lower parts of the earth … that he might [fulfill] all things.”⁹ Then, “when he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive.”¹⁰ In latter-day revelation we read that “he that ascended up on high, [is] also he [that] descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth; which truth shineth. This is the light of Christ.”^{11 "The Condescenion of God and of Man"}

After hearing this talk I contemplated the message and looked up the references. I drew the  symbolism from the passages back to my painting. One by David in Psalms was particularly complimentary.

"Thou hast ascended on high, thou hast led captivity captive: thou hast received gifts for men; yea, for the rebellious also, that the Lord God might dwell among them." Psalms 68:18

"Cleanse Me", Janelle Jensen Fritz, 2014, Acrylics on Canvas, mixed media

I added a contrasting piece to my nativity this year to highlight this concept for myself. A black ceramic Mary, Joseph, and Christ child to represent the descending below of all things juxtaposed across from the white modern lined nativity I obtained as a newlywed.

This teaching of the Lord descending to the "lowest parts of the earth", even the very pits of hell, and then ascending out of them, is an aspect of  the Lords mission that I do not fully grasp, but that I have experienced grace and mercy from. He has elevated me from depths where I couldn't see which way was up. He has led me forward and upward from the darkness of rock bottom. He has done this for each of us, but can only assist us in ascending from these dark parts of self if we acknowledge his role as our Savior and guide. Just as the witnesses to his birth, the humble shepherds, and the wealthy wise men, needed to make the choice to come and see him, we too are given the choice to worship. I have chosen both wayward and wonder in my life. Disregard, distrust, and dismissal of his divinity. As well as asking, seeking, and finding the light and ascending hope which can elevate and rise from the very depths of shame and despair through his deity. As in the painting of the bubbles rising from the drain. He continues to "repeat the sounding joy" of this miracle as in the song "Joy to the World." Rinse, and repeat the sounding joy. Each repetition demonstrating a further familiarity with the scripture "line upon line, precept upon precept."  "Cleanse Me" with "streams of mercy." It is a miracle of the ages. For all.

Birds Eye View

I wasn't going to weigh in on this heavy topic. Why would we possibly need another outsider looking in to share their opinion? I would be just fine continuing to bake pies, and start a puzzle on this pre-Thanksgiving evening. Yet, my thoughts turned not precisely to Ferguson and the uproar from the grand jury for not indicting Darren Wilson in the #Fergusondecision, but close to it. How can I weigh in on a community that is in tumult, so much so, that citizens are coming out to stand guard at businesses against potential looters? My husband has never had to make a choice to risk his personal safety for the protection of our community. This #mommaintheburbs has never even witnessed a street riot. My heart was sad for all of those that chose peace, yet feel like they still have no voice. 

Then I remembered my painting "Birds Eye View." I realized that was the precise angle I could provide. This white middle class momma in the burbs has sat with both sides of this debate. "Birds Eye View" is a painting of the areial view of a prison from the perspective of both the armed guards in the towers, as well as the geese that inhabited the open yard inside the wall each season after they returned from the south. 

I went to college with uniformed Police Officers in Utah, so you can best bet most of them, heck, all of them, were white. I earned a Bachelors of Science in Criminal Justice, and went up against hundreds of men and a few other women for a position at the city police department. I made it through the written and physical exam, to the panel interview. And bombed. My #rebelyell must have shown through just a little too strong. I was ranked somewhere in the 50's for possible candidacy. Whittled down from a few hundred applicants. Many that wanted to serve and protect, some that wanted a paycheck and the gun that went along with it.

I went on to accept a position working inside a prison outside Boston as an instructor for a rehabilitation/reintegration program for violent and repeat offenders. I facilitated groups with inmates which came from many of the different urban neighborhoods inside and surrounding Boston. I worked with all races, and ethnicity, but just like most prisons the black population was heavily represented. It was then I got my education in the disparity between our communities. Not their prison community, but the ones they were coming from outside the wall, and the ones I had been raised in. 

Us vs. Them. It is ingrained. Community Policing, cohesion and cooperation between the citizens and the cops was a pipe dream. And both sides were to blame. It was then that I realized that I wasn't there to rehabilitate, I was there to give them a different perspective, a hope. I was this college educated white girl who would listen, and shut down the drama. I would cut to the chase, and call them on their shit. I wouldn't allow them to blame the cops, or turn victim during the relaying of their arrest. I couldn't allow for the group to become a forum for excessive use of force by police. But I did not minimize. I think I gained some cred the day I looked an inmate in the eye, and said something to the effect of, "I know arrest methodologies by the force are not clean cut and innocent. But, you and I, we only have today, and we can't change that. Today, we can only change you." I saw it in his eyes, recognition that I wasn't here to minimize or allow exaggeration of  his plight. I was there for their future. My respect was hard earned.

Excessive force is a reality. Police policing communities that they have no inside investment in, that is a problem. What would be your take if you weren't seeing the picture from the birds eye view but the ground level. Everyday, from your infancy. If us vs. them was all you knew, and no one really demonstrated otherwise? 

I am not saying Darren Wilson was guilty. I am not saying Michael Brown deserved what he got. I am saying members of the black communities are overly represented in the prisons. I am saying that is a problem. I am saying police officers should be able to do their job without fear of retribution. I am saying police officers should NOT have immunity. I am saying racial profiling is a problem. I am saying indictments happen on a lot less evidence then was brought to the grand jury in this case. I am saying a trial isn't a conviction. I am saying that I want progress. I would hope I would have raised my voice from my cozy southern house back in the 1960's during the race riots. So, I do so now. There is a disparity. I am saying it is a cluster. Conversations need to occur. Take a "birds eye view", a different perspective, preferably one that isn't behind your screen. If you look closely at the painting there is a lot of darkness on the ground level, but some windows of light shine through.

"Birds Eye View", 16x20, Acrylics on Canvas, 2012, Janelle Jensen Fritz

Clouds Illusions

"Clouds Illusions", 60X48, Janelle Jensen Fritz, 2008.

This past Saturday night I welcomed the nostalgia of the season from past years of attendance with my mother and sisters and went to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints annual Women's Meeting. I also brought a friend that attends a local Baptist church. I will admit the focus on temples didn't make me very comfortable. Thankfully, there was plenty that did. 

Symbolism is a way to my heart and spirit so I appreciated the apostle Dieter F. Uchtdorf and his parabolic analogy. 
“Part of our challenge is, I think, that we imagine that God has all of His blessings locked in a huge cloud up in heaven, refusing to give them to us unless we comply with some strict, paternalistic requirements He has set up. But the commandments aren’t like that at all. In reality, Heavenly Father is constantly raining blessings upon us. It is our fear, doubt, and sin that, like an umbrella, block these blessings from reaching us.”

#rainwithmybestie, photgraphed by Layna Mecham

I have to admit I have some tendencies towards the "all or nothing" Mormon mindset. My upbringing, the culture, my own understanding, has all contributed to this false interpretation. When I read the scripture in Doctrine & Covenants 82: 9-10  I saw the cloud, under lock and key... "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say, but when you do not what I say, ye have no promise." When Uchtdorf used the analogy of the umbrella, I was enlightened, grateful, and humbled. I felt the truth of his description. I knew that it wasn't God that was inhibiting the pouring out of the blessings when ever I "do not what he says," but it is dependent on my decisions, my alienation's, my umbrella, my sin which then prevents the "streams of mercy" which He bestows constantly from the clouds which I am realizing are not under lock and key.

"Lady in Red", Richard Bourgault, 2014 

"Now I, now I know I wish it will rain down, down on me
Oh I know I wish it will rain, rain down on me now
Oo... I wish it will rain down, down on me
Yes you know I wish it will rain down, rain down over me
Just rain down over me
Just let it rain down, let it rain down, let it rain down...
Oh yea let it rain down, rain, rain down over me
Just let it rain down,
Just let it rain down, let it rain down
Just let it rain" -Phil Collins

 

Pathway of Transformation

I am no mystic. Although, I also do not discount symbolic representations. Perhaps I tread a gray line, especially when combined with theological principles. Yet, in my experiences, God uses symbolic and parabolic lesson to impart truths to me. Especially as they relate to transformations. 

In many faiths, or cultures there is a type of animal analogy or totem bestowed on individuals to highlight character strengths and weaknesses. My brothers received an animal in conjunction with their treks in the Anasazi desert. Each which typifies and exemplifies a kind of personification of the traits from the creature in which they were presented. The artist in me unearths symbols and when a particular presence acquaints itself unto me in an otherwise unorthodox proximity, I choose to delve a little deeper into its symbolism. The dragonfly has apprised itself in this particular sort of emergence in my own personal experience. 

Dragonflies are a common theme in Texas. It is even a hobby pastime, like that of bird identification, called oding. On one occasion, in my backyard, the actions of one dragonfly in particular were apparent and personal. It was a black and white dragonfly which would flutter from fence to fence while intermittently landing. During the points where it would stay still, it was black and white, whereas when it buzzed and fluttered it would appear in various shades of gray. If this wasn't a similitude of my essence, I don't know what is. I too flutter between the whites and blacks of the world and never quite know what hue of gray I am exhibiting. I have an incredibly difficult time putting off one and adopting the other. I flit between the grit and the virtue, and don't know quite where I land. When I consider this in the biblical context my mind is drawn to the prophet Elijah and his standoff with the priests of Baal. In 1 Kings 18:21 it reads...

 

"And Elijah came unto all the people, and said, How long halt ye between two opinions? if the Lord be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. And the people answered him not a word." 

The standoff ensues. Elijah asks the priests to prepare a sacrifice and call on their god Baal to ignite it. Nothing happens. Elijah prepares the same sacrifice, except first dousing it in barrels upon barrels of water, which would essentially inhibit any ignition. Yet when he calls upon God, a fire appears and consumes the sacrifice of Elijah. Something happens.

A couple years back I completed a series of 3-D collage paintings which included two dragonflies, and two Indian Paintbrush flower depictions. All of them have been sold except one of the dragonflies which was the most imperfect of the set. It is almost grotesque, yet realistic, when looked at up close.

I now have it hanging in my bathroom and realize it was always meant to be mine. 

The definition of the the dragonfly in relation to its spiritual aspects and elements is conveyed in the following definition: 

If Dragonfly has zipped into your life:

"They are asking that you pay attention to your deeper desires and be mindful of the outcome we wish to have. There are lessons to be learned and you are reminded that “what you think” is directly proportionate to what you “see on the surface”. In other words your thoughts are responsible for your physical surroundings.
Dragonfly is also letting you know to live your life to the fullest with what you have. It also beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits that need changing. Use the Dragonfly to guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation. It will bring you the light and color of transformation into your life."

In July when we were at the beach a dragonfly came and fluttered around me for over an hour. Landing, hovering, and essentially warming me to its desire to retain my company and presence. It is no wonder to me that my own pathway of light and transformation is available by changing my habits, and guiding me through the mists of my own illusions. 

These two photos are in similitude of the white and black within myself, essentially within each of us. Both photos were taken on the same day, within hours of one another.

The fluctuation, and mists of gray illusions make me recall the prophet Elijah's words once more...

"Hear me, O Lord, hear me, that this people may know that thou art the Lord God, and that thou hast turned their heart back again."